I've always searched for ways to honestly communicate my ideas, my thoughts, my feelings. In doing so, I work out what is begging for resolution inside me. Mostly, what wants awareness brought to it are essence inquiries concerning life, the world and the ephemeral nature of existence.
I came face to face with big questions early, when life delivered a sudden loss. At 16, the world stopped and the moment became all consuming. Losing my father suddenly and shockingly slapped me hard. Then it woke me up for an instant that would be the greatest peering through the veil from this side to the other I have yet to know.
My art making takes me back toward that still, deep, essence place. If I can find this portal, I hope you can also through my work. Perhaps together, we have a better chance of making peace with what is possible and at times painful, yet also outstandingly beautiful; the grief and the gifts of existence.
Nature also takes me into that still deep place so it's essential that I have easy and frequent access to her. This place is what gives meaning to my life. I suppose you could say it's what helps me to feel safe, because it's a place I went to (or more accurately was flung into) in a time of feeling very unsafe, when the ground fell out from under me and I had to integrate the information of my father's death. It's a familiar place of refuge where I remember that very little actually really matters. The things that do matter are ephemeral, or fragile, and yet are also enduring and cannot be taken away from us. This paradox can be crazy making if we have not yet let go of the concept of existence being "real".
In that moment of being totally consumed when I learned of my father's death, I learned that nothing is real as we imagine it to be or depend on it to be. Some people use mind altering substances to access this awareness. In my experience, plant medicines and psychedelics can be a healthy transcendent portal if we hold a reverent intention and set a scared container. More on that another time!
I do believe a painting can also take us into that numinous (spiritually rich) place if we are willing and open to the journey. I write about my art because it helps me identify the journey of making it. I hope it also helps you step into the journey of experiencing it!
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